Sexual Self Esteem
SEXUAL SELF ESTEEM
🖤 If you know inherently that you are smart when it comes to your job, you don’t question your intellect every day that you walk into work. If you know that you are a good parent your confidence does not dwindle from a disagreement with your child.
🖤 Wouldn’t it be nice if you could always feel that you were sexually attractive and skilled?
🖤 The way your body responds during sex wouldn’t necessarily mean something is wrong, or you are bad. Even if you didn’t get the desired result this time, your attitude about your sexuality should not change
🖤 If you are constantly basing your value of yourself on each sexual encounter than you are putting an undue amount of strain on trying to always get it right, and any enjoyment will surely go out the window. It instead makes sex an opportunity for you to fail. Where is the fun in that?
🖤 I do believe it is important for sex and sexual play to have a personal meaning, however it can be for the best when we operate from the place that: sex determines nothing. It doesn’t determine if you are attractive, or lovable.
🖤 Here is the key difference: dissatisfaction is in between what you wanted and what you got. Failure is a harsh judgment about who you are, based on what you or your partner wanted, and what you both got.
🖤 EXAMPLE: Millions, yes MILLIONS, of women insist that if a man cannot get erect or stay erect that she is to blame. Same goes for men who believe they are inherent failures sexually if they can’t make their partner orgasm one or more times.
🖤 This is simply not true. Having this expectation puts undue pressure on both partners, who may in turn stop having sex all together in order to avoid embarrassment, sense of failure, or an increase in their already low self esteem.
🖤 So! They key is to not question who you are, but to ask more questions of your partner (or yourself if this occurs during masturbation!) and hold deep space and presence so they feel safe to respond to such a vulnerable question.
🖤 email juli.everettlmt@gmail.com to set up couples intimacy coaching or 1:1 sessions.